Checking in with all my friends today.
I haven't felt much like blogging of late and much of it has been due to the overwhelming experience of my Mother being sick and then just recently having left this world. (Monday, August 6, 2007 at 12:00 noon).
Although, we knew this was coming and inevitable from her diagnosis it still felt like shock and that it was too soon to even think of letting her go from our life. We (family) of course wanted her longer than what God planned. She in turn said she was OK with dying but would like to stay longer to watch the youngest grandchildren become adults.
She was to me a Mom and a friend. My life has been drastically changed and I feel this sorrow so intensely that if you were to stick me with a 100 needles it wouldn't touch the pain inside.
I try and look ahead as to what my life will be like without her. Who will I call to share my successes, as well as, my everyday incidental happenings and events? Who can I look to for words of encouragement that she so often gave to me with complete faith in my abilities to do anything I put my mind to. Who will be there to pick up the phone when I need advice about my garden or home projects or to share a joke or silly moment. My Mom meant so much to me that going in my home and looking around brings me to tears. She is everywhere. We both scarp booked together and made crafts. We shared the passions of gardening together, she even visited me at this time each summer to add to the beauty of it. The emptiness so indelible that I cry often and without warning.
I know that in days ahead this will get easier but for now the vacant place where she once played a significant role for me is seemingly feeling large and empty. She was irreplaceable to me.
I loved her beyond measure and couldn't even find the words to articulate the feelings I had inside. She knew this and for that I am blessed. I am comforted by many thoughts of sharing my life and love for her throughout the years but also by the simple truth of being able to hold her while she was taking her last breaths. I never thought I had that kind of courage, as I inasmuch said I didn't think I could handle or bear it, but when the time came the thought never entered my mind to leave her side. My sister on the other side of Mom while we cradled her was meaningful and poignant. The once unknown fear led to need and then turned to desire. To be there to comfort her as she left this world was a privilege. Two daughters bound in common to a Mother who taught us how to nurture with love and kindness. It couldn't be any other way. She would have been expecting that from us and proud that we surrendered to it in spite of the intense feelings of despair and sorrow. God answered my prayers in every way possible. For that and so much more I am grateful. She knew I and her entire family were there for her and that this affirmation of love will be with me forever. God is wonderful and I know we will see each other again. Until then I will always hear her gentle voice in my ear and be reminded of all the joy and blessings in my life and how fortunate I was that she was in it.
She was a good Mom who loved her family immensely!
I haven't felt much like blogging of late and much of it has been due to the overwhelming experience of my Mother being sick and then just recently having left this world. (Monday, August 6, 2007 at 12:00 noon).
Although, we knew this was coming and inevitable from her diagnosis it still felt like shock and that it was too soon to even think of letting her go from our life. We (family) of course wanted her longer than what God planned. She in turn said she was OK with dying but would like to stay longer to watch the youngest grandchildren become adults.
She was to me a Mom and a friend. My life has been drastically changed and I feel this sorrow so intensely that if you were to stick me with a 100 needles it wouldn't touch the pain inside.
I try and look ahead as to what my life will be like without her. Who will I call to share my successes, as well as, my everyday incidental happenings and events? Who can I look to for words of encouragement that she so often gave to me with complete faith in my abilities to do anything I put my mind to. Who will be there to pick up the phone when I need advice about my garden or home projects or to share a joke or silly moment. My Mom meant so much to me that going in my home and looking around brings me to tears. She is everywhere. We both scarp booked together and made crafts. We shared the passions of gardening together, she even visited me at this time each summer to add to the beauty of it. The emptiness so indelible that I cry often and without warning.
I know that in days ahead this will get easier but for now the vacant place where she once played a significant role for me is seemingly feeling large and empty. She was irreplaceable to me.
I loved her beyond measure and couldn't even find the words to articulate the feelings I had inside. She knew this and for that I am blessed. I am comforted by many thoughts of sharing my life and love for her throughout the years but also by the simple truth of being able to hold her while she was taking her last breaths. I never thought I had that kind of courage, as I inasmuch said I didn't think I could handle or bear it, but when the time came the thought never entered my mind to leave her side. My sister on the other side of Mom while we cradled her was meaningful and poignant. The once unknown fear led to need and then turned to desire. To be there to comfort her as she left this world was a privilege. Two daughters bound in common to a Mother who taught us how to nurture with love and kindness. It couldn't be any other way. She would have been expecting that from us and proud that we surrendered to it in spite of the intense feelings of despair and sorrow. God answered my prayers in every way possible. For that and so much more I am grateful. She knew I and her entire family were there for her and that this affirmation of love will be with me forever. God is wonderful and I know we will see each other again. Until then I will always hear her gentle voice in my ear and be reminded of all the joy and blessings in my life and how fortunate I was that she was in it.
She was a good Mom who loved her family immensely! She was a hands on Grandmother whose kisses and hugs were always given free and plentiful!
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